What is a relationship? It is the bonding between two persons. It does not confine itself to the bonding between husband and wife. The bonding between two friends, brother and sister, between cousins, between father and son, mother and daughter can be termed as a relationship.
What is the requisite for a good relationship? Is it love/like? I would say, no. If there is no love/like, you have no place in the relationship. So love/like is a given, a pre-requisite for a relationship. But then what makes for a better rapport in a relationship?
The next word that is bandied about so often is compromise. It is easy to say that there has to be give and take. One person at least has to compromise. If the relationship is secure, what is the need to compromise? Often, you find one person who is more willing to compromise and give up whenever there is an argument/ discussion. Is this fine? Are you okay with it?
Basics of a relationship
Let us now get to the basics of a relationship. When two persons meet each other and become friends/ a couple etc, they, of course, start off with liking/ loving each other. So when is there the danger of losing this love/ like?
In any relationship, both the parties know each other so well that they know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. While complimenting their strengths, it is important that they do not try to exploit their knowledge/ awareness of the other person’s weaknesses. We often see friends teasing each other. The one who is being teased may not respond and may pretend to be okay with it but he or she will definitely be hurt.
So back to our original question! What makes a relationship secure? RESPECT!
I know you wonder what respect has to do with a relationship. You already love/ like each other. However, loving/ liking a person is entirely different from respecting that person. When each person feels that he/ she has an equal role in the relationship and feels respected by the other person, she/ he feels secure and good about herself/ himself. This is what makes a person happy and content in any relationship rather than all the gifts you can give or the professions of love you make.
A quote from English Vinglish
To borrow the words of Shashi Godbole from English Vinglish and adapting it, a relationship is all about helping each other to feel equal. A relationship can never be judgmental. Never put down the other person and make her/ him feel small. Never laugh at or criticize the other person’s weaknesses. Learn to respect her/ him.
No two persons are the same. They may not have the same hobbies or likes and dislikes. It is the differences that make them complement each other in the relationship.
No person is perfect. If a person is perfect, he/ she does not need anyone. It is the imperfections that make a relationship interesting.
No person can understand another person completely. But he/ she can strive to make the other person feel equal and treat them with respect.
When you don’t like yourself, you tend to dislike everything around you and feel dissatisfied with what has been meted out to you. New things seem to be more attractive. When you learn to love yourself, then the same old life starts looking new, starts looking nice. So make your partner feel good about herself/ himself.